Yesterday was wonderful and difficult at the same time. A couple of people from the community stopped to ask what Troy and I were currently doing, as I was at my daughters’ elementary school. They asked if the house had sold. No it hasn’t. They asked what what we would do if it didn’t sell. I talked about what we’ve been up to, it’s really cool. And like most people in this community, they were so supportive. Although later that day I ran into someone, who spoke to me in an almost mocking manner. Unfortunately, as we step out in faith there will be those who will want to see us fail. It’s just the way the world is. Even more upsetting, it was someone who used to attend our local church.
So as my heart was feeling mixed emotions—trying to focus on the goodness of God yet confronted with the cruelty of people. You can say it doesn’t matter what people think and it doesn’t, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. However within this, God sees my heart. I cannot and will not turn my back on Him just so I can appeal to men. I imagine myself crying in His lap with Him stroking my hair saying everything is going to be “okay.” It is truly circumstances like these that have kept me humble and I am so thankful for having to walk in this sometimes lonely place.
So before I went to sleep last night I told a friend what had happened. We started talking about things that happened when we got saved. I told her some of the things that I saw shortly after I was saved. I was so hungry for more of God. Then I said, “How I’d love to feel now what I felt then.” When sleep didn’t matter anymore, all that mattered was Him!
Well, last night I had a dream. In the dream, I could see huge wings that could fly over the earth. I could see the oceans beneath these wings. They moved with such force that it was as if they were mechanical. I couldn’t see where the wings were coming from or where they were going. It seemed as if I could look up and see their unfathomable size and yet I could look down and see who they were carrying somehow. It was like I was perched on something that I could not see. I could see a friend of mine, soaring through the skies and gazing up at the magnitude of these wings. We were both so full of joy. Then all of sudden, my friend was like an infant and I protectively held her in my arms. Then I woke up…..this is when it gets interesting.
As I woke up there was an almost blinding white light in the corner of my bedroom. I didn’t feel frightened but there was this reverential fear, something I have never quite experienced like that before. It reminded me of the prophet Isaiah in the Bible and how he fell to his face when he encountered an angel of the Lord. How can I describe it? The words escape me. It’s as if all that you are and everything that you’ve done is laid bare in that moment. It’s like there’s the urgent need to become holy in His presence. The Bible says not to be afraid of the one who can kill the body but to fear the One who can kill the body and the soul. (Matthew 10:28) Yeah…. it was that kind of feeling. Nothing else in the world mattered in that moment!
Needless, to say today I am fiercely focused on the kingdom!
Life just keeps getting more interesting. My husband Troy resigned from his job as director of bands, at the end of the school year, so we could serve Jesus full time. It obviously wasn’t a decision we made overnight, God had to bring us to a place where we could step out, literally into the unknown. Earlier last year the Lord had spoken to me, Troy and our daughter, Teagan about the West Coast. What was even more interesting was when a friend, from our church, had three detailed dreams about us going to California but we had never discussed it with her.
Okay……I’m going to be totally honest at this point. There are times when I wish the dreams never occurred. Yes, I know that without them Troy and I probably would have never taken that final step in leaving his job—-God knew that, too. But I became so focused on the West Coast that I couldn’t see the places God would take us before we got there. I looked at California as the “all and end all” and it’s not. Troy ministered along with some friends in Michigan this summer and it was around that time that I had a dream where it was as if I was hovering over vast forests and plains. I gasped as I woke up because it hit my heart in just the right way. It was then, I realized there was so much more and I had actually put conditions on the Lord. It was easier to step out knowing there was a destination. Would God ask us to walk out and not really know where we were going? He did with Abraham, but for some reason I believed it would be different for Troy and I. God is still the same God, He has never changed.
So here we are, living in today and walking through the doors that God is putting before us. Many have asked what’s going on in our lives. How can you explain to people in the world, that you really have no idea what’s going on and it’s awesome? Let me tell you, the blessing has been exceedingly great! As Troy and I have prayed for ways to impact our community, while we are still here, He has literally answered those prayers within days. Last week we were so blessed by a business owner and friend that I am still unable to put in words all that transpired—I’m in complete shock. Eventually, I’ll write about it.
At the same time, I’m thinking this doesn’t seem like it’s all happening the way I thought it would. Why didn’t God just tell me all this ahead of time? Then I could have sounded a little more intelligent. I’m saying this while smiling because within all that has happened, it makes me adore God even more. Oh yes, He uses the foolish things of this world….and I love the way He takes us out of our comfort zones. Are we going West? Absolutely. Everything that God has told us has always happened. He just doesn’t tell us everything or when, and like children we get a little anxious.
Sometimes we as people, try to make something happen according the ways we’ve seen it done in the past. (Pure foolishness) That’s how it was with Sarah, Abraham’s wife. She knew that God had said that her husband would be the father of many nations but because they had no heirs, she gave Abraham her maidservant, Hagar, for a wife. Well, that’s not at all what God had planned. Sarah eventually did give her husband an heir but it was in His time!
God does a new thing in this season! My mind cannot fathom what He wants to do and I’m not going to try. I cannot grasp how we’re going to get from point A to point B— but I feel what God’s doing, in my spirit. There are days when I’m frustrated because I am unable to articulate all that the Father has impressed on our hearts. And who would believe us anyway? Yet, this journey will indeed be glorious. What a story it will be someday!